I must be getting in touch with my “inner child” these days. When I see a small face with those bright innocent eyes, I begin to melt a little inside. There’s some sort of connection that invokes a feeling inside. Sometimes I smile at what I see. Sometimes, I feel sad. Why? I need to process this because there’s something in me that needs to move.
At the supermarket today, I saw a harried mother pushing a cart (modified as a plastic race car) with four young children dangling from it. Their faces were sweet and so innocently happy, and I felt a tug at my heart watching mom push her load down the aisle. A couple minutes later, on the other side of the shelves from where I was standing, I heard someone knock over a bunch of cereal boxes. Those kids again. Hearing them laugh about it made me laugh, too. So I walked over to the mother pushing the race car shopping cart with four small children dangling from it, and asked, “Are you guys having fun?”
Two of the children, girls, laughed. The mom said, “Yeah, I guess so. And pushed on down another aisle. And that should have been that. But it wasn’t.
So I came home and relaxed by reading some posts on a “Spiritual” website that I have been following for the last couple of days. I usually like going there because I like teasing some of the lightweenies that post their Ascended Master, positive-thinking stuff. I know I shouldn’t do it, but it’s become a perverse hobby. I think it might have replaced drinking and smoking pot. I’m not malicious about it at all. Besides, there are a couple of posters there that get where I’m coming from and sort of like it that someone shakes the cage a little.
Anyway, somebody posted some pap by our friend “Kuthumi,” one of the ascended Masters that has been communicating through various people o the internet. This particular “Kuthumi” went on about how Mary Magdalene *sigh* was really the goddess, Isis. Isis-Magdalene has been ‘holding the energy of abused women.” That’s great. Why is something like that necessary, and what does it mean to “hold the energy of abused women?”
The “answer” to these questions may surprise you. According to this “Kuthumi,” the “balance that has begun on your planet has made it possible to start releasing and clearing, purifying these energies so they can be released into the universal consciousness…”
“Kuthumi” also goes on to say that Isis-Magdalene is purifying the “template” of women’s suffering. Apparently, these Masters are quite aware of the plight of suffering of women, but that “template” must be “purified” before it can be “released.” That was the message. No explanation WHY this sets up has to be this way. No explanation WHAT “templates” means (other than something that contains the suffering of women). Apparently, these templates cannot be removed.
So, not being at all impressed, I remarked on the lack of any “template” that held the suffering of children, since they’ve been having a hell of a time. The answers ranged from “re-read the message,” “forgiving the abusers” to somebody claiming that the hardest thing she ever had to do was to forgive herself for allowing herself to be abused. But no answer or much interest in the abuse of children. Whatever. There is no stinking template that the Egyptian goddess, Isis, is holding! But it seems people will fall for things if it is wrapped iup in a good enough pakage.
It’s been so long ago, but I do remember being a child. As a bit of a loner, if I could get a quarter from my mom I could by a pop and a comic book and sit under a tree in the warm summer afternoon, reveling in the joys of self-entertainment. Those were rare good days, as my childhood was really kind of sad and depressing. But why are these feelings, bubbling up now? Why the squelched tearing-up? could be that my own estranged children, who haven’t wanted me in their lives for over a decade. It doesn’t hurt much anymore. It isn’t about the situation, though I wonder if I failed them as a father like they say I did. It’s just that when I look into a child’s eye, I want to weep. And after writing this, I still don’t know why. Maybe “why” is not important. Maybe because it’s this world that will probably eat them alive someday. Maybe I feel responsible for that.
I want them to remain innocent for as long as they can.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to react emotionally when I see the faces of children.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experiencing guilt when I see the faces of children.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in the emotional response of guilt.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to insist on being “right.”
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience anger about the shape of the world these children will have to put up with.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in the emotion of anger.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience of helplessness.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience blame for not being a “good” father.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself not to cry.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to be at peace with the world stopping.