Over on Andrea’s blog, (Where To Start) http://andrearossouw.wordpress.com she asked a question that made my head spin. It is a great question: “So if the feeling of ‘things not being right’ is in fact an absolute illusion then how does one live so that you are free from this illusion?””
Boy, I stared at this sentence for five minutes after I thought I had a great answer. Now I’m not so sure. I’d suppose I’d rather stuff my mouth full of sawdust, or set my hair on fire and run down the street like Richard Pryor, but that would be too dramatic.
The fact is, I want to answer this question very badly, just so it won’t keep me up at night. Because even though I am more than willing to grant that this world is a fuck – up to the ninth power, I still have to live in it. But I’m no sentimental fool. The question of Andrea’s reads like a puzzle, or a carefully laid trap that would ensnare the unwary. It may be a trap Andrea unknowingly set for all of us. Because to answer it in any way would place you with her, that is, in a world under suspicious skies.
The feeling of “things not being right” was the same complaint leveled against the Demiurge by the gnostics, who cheerfully called this world “an abortion.” A cosmic mistake created by an insane God and his horde of Creator Angels. Matter was actually considered literally evil. Of course, the gnostics were very close in mapping out the “Mind of God,” but they were way off on this point of the Earth being wicked. It is the human technological mind system broadcasting from the base station of the collective unconscious, the jaws of a nightmare that devours and turns everything to shit, wretches, vomits, and slouches of to preside over the mass extinction just over the horizon. Look: I’m feeling that existential nausea right now.
I’m sorry, Andrea. I realize now that I’ve got… nothing. Nothing. So, I’ll pull out the answer I first came up with, which was this : that any “feeling” that the “world is not right” or to try and make sense of this cockamamie world is just asking for trouble. Back to the breath as self in every moment. Back into the still silence within one’s self.