Money. Never had much of it. Don’t really give a damn about having it. I’ve tried to live in the world but not of the world. For me, life isn’t about sitting on the beach with a cool, potent cocktail with a fat billfold bulging with fifties in my Ralph Lauren Khaki shorts. For me, in this moment, life is about what kind of person that I am becoming. What kind of person am I in any situation. That’s about all I want out of life at this point. To me, money is a system. To me, the consumer society is headed for destruction, and maybe taking the natural world with it! What an investment for the future!
So when some people in my life get pissed at me for not “getting off my ass and doing something with my life,” I wonder where the system demons are coming out from. Because I don’t give a fuck about CA$H, Dollars, moolah, luchre or the Once – Almighty Dollar. Now, maybe if your talking Euros, I might take a pause. But really, I’m done chasing dollars. It’s a moot point doing so.
It’s not that I really enjoy my dull, boring, low-paying job. If I made a ton of money, all I’d probably do is eat at nice restaurants more. Or maybe live in a bigger one bedroom apartment. Or find some woman who would only like me because I had a little dough. I hear women can be very mercenary that way. Yeah, that would be fun, being with somebody who was only attracted to you by an externality. Would she love me for my money? Or the things my money could buy?
I had a little taste of that when I was a minor celebrity in California. Uh, huh. Sure, the babes were smokin! But they were only interested in status (thank God, ’cause I still didn’t really make much cash, then) they gained by being on my arm. I didn’t mind that much, then. That was part of the reason I started a band in the first place! I just didn’t care. I knew it was for a moment. And I was right. As soon as the gigs dried up and I took myself out of the Scene, they were gone as their little high heels could take them!
Maybe now that I am older, and I suppose a little more wiser, I can appreciate how seductive and deceptive that chasing “Investments” and “the Good Life” can be. I like to tell myself those things are not important to me, and certainly I can’t pretend to make them so. Hey, I’ve been poor most my life, so it’s not like I’m afraid of being poor! That’s not “Poverty Consciousness.” That’s living knowing that circumstances and situations are not what’s important. What I am is infinite. What I am is immense and vast. What I am is more than what I think, feel or emote. Those words define the most miniscule portions of self that is an illusion, anyway! Fuck a dollar bill.
One of the properties of the unified field, from what I understand it to be is that what you fear you will lose, you will certainly lose! What I am losing is the mind system that devours the world. And I won’t stop until it’s done.