2008/03/22 – Alone Again



Not really. I’ve always been alone. So have you. Oh, there my be people around you and loved ones nearby-but make no mistake. You are alone-just like me. My problem was that I knew this. I just forgot. I had the fear of loss tucked away deeply inside. So much so, I forgot it was in there, sleeping away until I discovered it the other night, just before I fell asleep. It was strange-because I thought that I was beyond being fearful being “alone,” yet here I was in the grip of the fear of being alone. What the hell? It was true. So now, the requisite self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for forgetting that I was always alone, anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in that fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped again in a relationship time loop. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss to fact that I was participating in a relationship time loop. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be seduced into missing my own self-dishonesties.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing I could “save” someone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become less than equal and one by succumbing to the fear of loss that I had hidden from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pretending to not know that I was experiencing fear of loss. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lost in my own self-dishonesty. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was the dishonesty that I was presenting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lost in my mind as the self-dishonesty that was presented by myself in the name of “saving face.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the deception that I lived as-in terms of “needing” someone else to focus on and to “save,” so I wouldn’t have the time to focus upon my own self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my dishonesty by diverting attention from my own part in this relationship time loop. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my pointing fingers at others because I was embarrassed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present a deceptive picture of myself as “not being wrong.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “2008/03/22 – Alone Again

  1. Red Alert! You are still diverting things to be “someone” elses stuff. You are the one who needs to be saved! LOL….this is sooo bullshit, you are still looking outside yourself.

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