2008/04/03 – The Digital Manson Family

*Wow! I’ve been receiving some very creative emails from people lately telling how awful the Satanic, Hitler – loving, Godless, evil and deceptive the “Desteni Cult” is. Well, I do declare! I am so grateful  that so many interesting people care so much about my well – being! I’m tearing up a bit, actually. Oh, the humanity! 


It’s always interesting to see people talk authoritatively about things they only half-way understand.  If that. I guess that means Desteni is now officially certified as  “controversial.” I’ll bet we can get booked on Jerry Springer’s Show. Boy, the chairs will fly then!


These critics just cannot understand that they are not the sum of their thoughts, even though – they actually have become a tautological irony be becoming their thoughts. This entire world; the culture, symbols and infrastructure – is a gestalt of our collective minds manifested as the unified consciousness matrix. But perhaps I’ve said too much. These detractors also cannot see that their entire perspective is contingent upon the narratives handed down to them and have no independent verification of what they profess is true : That the world is messed up because we “don’t send enough love.” As if. 


*Today after I went home from work, I found myself beginning to “miss” Denise. It was just me undergoing “system – withdrawal,” although it’s nothing like a real drug thing – like getting off of heroin, Lortabs, Vicodin or Xanax – so I hear.  I eventually snapped out of it after eating dinner. No harm, no foul though I’m in a funny place. One between the shadow of the lone wolf and the seduction of being in another’s arms. It’s tough, but you know, you just have to be tougher, right? Easy. Pfffffft.


Getting into another relationship is a no-go for me at this point. Besides, being deeply  involved in the “Digital Manson Family” is probably quite a turn – off for most females. Anyway, I figure being in a relationship is no kind of job for a man. 



*I went out with my boys last weekend. We ate at the Hunan Lion and had drinks afterwards at some dive sports bar. I used to be up for a cigar, a frosted, fruity cocktail and a laugh. Now, it’s just the laughs. I was talking to Matt, and he said I looked really healthy. “When I first met you three years ago, you looked really ill,” Matt said. It was true. I was at the tail end of my second marriage and for some reason got very ill. Not ill enough to miss work, but losing about 35 pounds and developing shaking of the hands. I could barely walk. My legs and arms looked like toothpicks and you could plainly see my ribcage. The doctors had no clue.I only got better after the divorce. That was two years ago. I hopped on the scale at work last week and I weighed in at 183! Woo hoo! That’s the most I’ve EVAH weighed! I guess this vegetarian diet was worth the effort, after all.


I told Matt, “Yeah. I being feeling pretty good lately. I cut out the drinking, smoking and meat-eating. It really makes a difference.” He smiled at me and said, “Well, you do look good. Wanna cigarette?” 

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