It’s been too long since I have typed out a blog. Rather than giving in to delicious exhaustion, I will bash something out here, for there are some things going on inside me.
Oh, don’t worry. I will not bore you with the struggles of my inner existence. That’s between me and my mind. The first relationship one can have? Maybe it even surpasses that between mother and child. This relationship between myself and my mind is fraught with tension and suspicion. Sadly, I am more focused on what my mind is/may/about to do to me. Sometimes I catch myself floating deep in trivial, ridiculous thoughts. At times it feels I have lost complete self-control. Remote controlled by my mind.
I say, “my mind” as if I possess this phantom. Even in the knowledge that every generated thought inches me to Death I seem to fall in thoughts and self-honestly daily. Of course, today this bothers me. Other days nothing does.
I’m sorry. I said that I wouldn’t bore you with my inner life.
So, moving to the outer: I have received mostly positive messages for my entry into vlogging. But not everyone was happy.
Denise wrote,“Wow, you must be on some ego trip brother. Those vlogs are scarry (sic) lookin! cheers darrrrrr”
Thanks, Denise. Maybe I’m just reflecting your own egotistical, “scarry” self back to you. But thanks for the comment, girl. I’ve been called worse by you. See ya in church, D, okay?
And this one from Bryan: “Why don’t you come out of the closet…you’re definitely gay and one ugly gay at that…you have got to be the ugliest black man i’ve ever seen…geeze”
Bryan, LOL, I assure you I am not “gay.” Maybe “wishful thinking” on your part? Sorry, I don’t swing that way. And being ugly is good. It allows people who are into living their lives according to picture presentations of themselves and their world to have an adverse, unpleasant and upsetting reaction to me, and I love it when I ruin their day. It is the same reason people would rather walk across to the other side of the street when they see me coming up the sidewalk. ‘Eww,” I can almost hear them think to themselves. “Here comes that scary black man. I better cross the street now.” It used to bother me, but now it’s just funny. To see others recoil in absolute revulsion to my appearance is comical, Bryan.
Admittedly, a face like mine is an acquired taste. Like that very first swig of cold cut gin, it is rather revolting, and you wonder how anyone could ever stand it. Yeah, sort of like that… but worse. But one gets used to my blimp-like head and my crooked smile. Or not. Do you think I care? Doesn’t matter to me at all.
You know, it’s all ego. I admit it. All personality is ego and all ego is personality. It’s gonna take me years to finally extinguish it. To kill it. Hah, it’s already done. How’s that for ego?
Will make another vlog soon. I can wait to scare some of you pussies.