Wow. I cannot believe it’s been more than a month since I’ve last posted. I’ve been wanting to write something, but jeez… nothing was coming up. More likely I was suppressing something. Well, maybe something will “step forth” now that I am here.
Hmmm… well, I suppose I can talk about the latest and final chapter with my dear ex, Denise. Yes, I continued to let her worm herself into my life again, but wouldn’t you know it, she ran away because I wouldn’t support her bullshit. And I know we all cannot wait to hear Denise’s side of the story, but let me just say she went away mad.
Why do I feel responsible for her welfare? Actually, I don’t feel “responsible.” More like feeling “sorry” for her. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “feel sorry” for Denise’s situation, and for want to take responsibility for her life. I do understand this was self-dishonesty within myself, because I had already knew we weren’t “meant” for each other. And even when I told her this, I knew she would expect the same old relationship trap. She will never “get it” in this life. Which is sad, because I know she understands what Desteni is about, on some level. But it is like Alice B, said: People in relationships would rather remain in self-dishonesty than to break out of the pattern. They do not want to give up everything they’ve thought and believed themselves to be.
During my final meeting with Denise, I acted with a zero tolerance of her manipulating, bullshit game playing. I also felt calm in releasing her. Missing Denise will not be a problem for me. She’s in process as everyone else, and like the rest of us, we will all have to face ourselves alone.
“All relationships will fall.” This my system demon said to me a year ago. I scarcely understood what he meant, but I get it now.
Oh, boy, do I get it!