After weeks of stability and calm, today I feel like an irritable shit. More like a profound sense of separation from myself as this routine (rut?) that I am living now. Boredom? Maybe. Suppressed fear of the future. Yeah, that’s epic. But it sort of crept in the back door. Self-forgiveness. But at least I am not sitting in the basement holding a match in the middle of a large puddle of gasoline.
Interesting… it is the movement of emotions and mental activity churning away in me now that brings this realization of myself living as separation. Lost in consciousness.