For the casual readers of Process: Self-Honesty, it may seem that I hold an unforgiving gripe towards religion and spirituality. It was not always so. I wholeheartedly embraced all kinds of metaphysical thought because I was so dissatisfied with the state of the world, particularly the injustices, cruelties and endless stupidity of the human race whom I regarded as little more than a cancer on the face of the Earth. I certainly get why people are so drawn to religious and metaphysical speculations. Some of us, and I place myself among them, wanted a better world, and yet we seemed to come to the inclusion that no such thing would ever take place here, so, we vainly hoped, it must take place somewhere else beyond this visible world. It never occurred to me to question that premise. It never occurred to me to own up to the fact I knew nothing about metaphysics except what I read in books written by others. And then, when something metaphysical miraculously seemed to happen to me, it left an imprint on me that led me to search for answers that didn’t exist, and further, the experience left nothing for me to connect with – no expansion, just a memory and more answerless questions.
I used to believe in Angels. Why? Because I was told they existed and without objection, I agreed with them and began to believe in Angels. I mean, how could anyone doubt their existence? You can see them enshrined in ancient religious displays, they appear in movies, comic books and television shows (who can forget that saccharine-sweet television show, “Touched By an Angel?”) It’s quite sad to realize that the relationship I formed with an idea helped contribute to spinning my proverbial wheels trying to find a meaning and answer to this world. By the time I realized such no meaning existed, I also realized what castles made of sand we create in our minds. I was searching for my idealized self and forgot that I was a living, breathing, physical person living in a fucked-up world. I mean the reasons were obvious to me why the fuck-up existed: some people wanted to lord it over others and will do anything to achieve that. I knew that but didn’t have an answer to what I saw what was wrong with this world. So I chose to believe in Angels. And UFOs. And Ascended Masters. They will sort it all out someday.
Boy, was I ever duped!